Social Butterflies: The Struggle To Be Social

 

Socializing can be quite exhausting, like holding a bench press for a certain period of time. Growing up I’ve always wrestled with socializing with others outside my family and even being around family can be draining as well. Sometimes I wish I could just retreat from people and live in absolute solitude. It feels as though I wear two different masks, one being what everyone knows me for and the other that is hidden from the public eye.

 

I’ve worked at Domino’s for a full year now and I can gladly say that it has brought me out of myself. I’ve never been so open to other people in this way, but on the flip-side it’s very awkward. You feel like you have to maintain this persona for some reason. Perhaps it’s out of fear for being accepted for who you are, I know I definitely struggle with that.

 

I’m afraid of being accepted for who I am as a person, and don’t get me started on love. I’ve been asked multiple times what my fears are in life, and I usually provide the response that I don’t have many aside from death and the afterlife. But one of my most human fears is being accepted by my potential spouse. Who’d want to spend the rest of their life with someone like me? Could I muster up the courage and trust this woman with my deepest secrets about myself?

 

 

Now that I’m 21 I’ve pondered on these things a bit, especially after a certain exchange of words between my buddies while we were playing Monster Hunter World on Xbox One (By the way MHW is absolutely one of the best RPGs I’ve ever played, GO BUY IT). When I mentioned that I feel awkward when socializing I sometimes say or do something that I regret later on. These incidents or how people respond can plunge me into a deep depression.

 

I’m not usually bothered by when someone says something mean to me such as “shut the f**** up” or something racial, but what my coworker said to me made me regret a small little joke I remarked during our Monster Hunter play session. I basically said something that might’ve offended him with regards to his wife when I said we’re a bunch of nerds because we play video games.

 

This incident thus plunged me into a deep depression days later. Not that I have such a high level of self-importance to be offended by such things, but this response in particular wounded me a bit. Incidents like these is what gets me tired of being around people. The Xbox itself is like a machine that compels me to be extroverted. I bought it on a whim the first week of January and felt buyer’s remorse after purchasing it. I mean it was $200 for the Xbox One S and Halo 1-5, how could I turn down such a good deal!?

 

With all the controversies within the AAA game industry I vowed to never buy another video game console again. However most of the games I really want to play are only on PS4 such as Nier: Automata and Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice.

 

The Xbox is like a club with girls flinging their panties and men’s dicks between women’s thighs whereas the PS4 is for the solitude gamer. Besides MHW and Dragon Ball FighterZ and a number of indie titles, there really aren’t many games I’m keen on buying for the Xbox.

 

Despite the absurdity from interacting with people on a daily basis, it’s an element of my life that I don’t want to give up but rather strengthen. I don’t hate people and I don’t want to, you just can’t deny that if humanity was a film, it’d be the most dramatic film of all-time. Planet Earth is populated by people of many colors, personalities, interests, hobbies, etc.

 

If I had to give advice to those who struggle with social interaction, I’d say that you have to be placed in a situation where you have to express yourself. Sing, recite a poem, if you draw put your art in a public exhibit, present a speech, work at a place like Domino’s, take a customer service job, activities like those can surely put yourself at ease in front of people. As for me I was blessed to work at a Domino’s location filled with gamers and anime-watchers so that was a plus.

 

All in all, we’re all social creatures desiring some sort of company, and it’s healthy to have a balance between socializing and solitude (I personally prefer solitude) but that varies from person to person.

 

 

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